it's so hard to get out of bed lately. like harder than usual. it's been hard for some time but lately it's just been like "everything feels better if I just do nothing". that's what it feels like. like exactly. if I just do nothing but lay here in rot in my daydreams them everything feels fine. of course that's not true though. everything is in fact the opposite of fine. everything because worse and worse and harder and harder every time I stay in bed for longer. it's so easy to just not get up. to fall back asleep. to not even try. it's just so easy! but it's wrong. uh. I cant really think straight. I'm really just laying here. and when I get up I'm gonna be unhappy probably. I'm very unhappy just all the time. my hormones are making it feel worse right now lol. but it doesnt change the fact that even when it isnt like this I am still extremely unhappy. its hot. I cant even feel comfortable in this stupid useless body. I am constantly fluctuating between sweaty and freezing all the time. I am just extremely uncomfortable. extremely unhappy. extremely fucking useless. it is the worst. I always like to think about how much better it would be if I were someone else. in a different body. but I'm not someone else and I'm stuck in this one until I die. unless I steal someone's flesh and wear them like a meat suit.
my eyes are so dry feeling. everything just sucks and I'm wanna kill myself. it's so hot. once I take this jacket off I'm gonna be freezing. I hate everything.
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